How long I’ve waited for this: published.
And no, I haven’t written a book yet (parts are still swimming, loose in my head; not in any logical order yet.)
But, since I have started writing (at 15, if we’re being precise) I have always wanted to be just exactly this.
And here I am, years (and years!) later.
My good friends call my bluff on the notion of being published.
“But didn’t I read a devotional on some blog by you?” they ask, confused.
“Or what about that bio in Dallas Baby?” they wonder aloud, looking at me perplexed, as if I don’t remember parts of my own journey.
Yes, I’ve been published before, several places actually. Five different blogs and magazines have published my work.
Which yes, counts for something. Counts for a lot, actually.
But me, the competitive, bar-can-never-be-quite-high-enough me, well, one of my bucket list items is to be published by a publication that doesn’t know who I am. That has no stock in me. That is not invested in the outcome or cares about my feelings.
Because as much I love my friends and family dearly and trust them and what they say about my writing, I need to know (it’s an insane need, I realize) that my words can stretch and resonate with someone else “out there.” Someone else that could care less as to who I am. Someone who doesn’t know me, just knows they like the words I’ve written, that these words have hit the right note somewhere in their soul.
After years of being known for other talents (the ones that keep you in a steady job and productive, and get you glowing reviews from your supervisors) I want to know one thing. One thing about what I truly feel is my calling, what I am here for.
Do I have any talent?
The big challenge with my writing (for me, personally) has always been what do other people think? Perhaps I put too much stock in what others think. Or, perhaps I don’t, as I write only what resonates with me; I don’t give much headspace to the critics. But I’ve always wondered (and yes, I’ve always overthink things a bit too.)
Would my writing resonate? Get published?
Bucket list number one item checked off.