Some 2020 Word Problems

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Image courtesy of Christopher Sardegna, Unsplash

Since I never quite solved them correctly back in the 90s when math (and life) was seemingly easier, let’s try some word problems now. Should be fun.

  1. If COVID-19 is a Democratic disease of the Sheeple being okay with their rights being taken away, then what is the flu? Democratic or Republican? And if you don’t throw up or spend days in bed with the flu, is it still considered a valid illness?
  2. If I like Hamilton, is it because I’m a great American or full-fledged scrappy theater fan? What if I didn’t like musical theater before and am now in love? Am I easily influenced by the crowd or a music nerd or Hamilfan or alien or what?
  3. If I have friends that are police officers and have friends that have multi-ethnic/multi-race families, am I supposed to hate the police or hate the BLM movement? Or am I supposed to hate myself because I understand both group’s vaild concerns?
  4. If I enjoy avocado toast, am I an air-headed, privileged elitist who’s clearly liberal and wanted Sanders? What then, is the answer if my boomer uncle enjoys the same toast?
  5. If I love the Ennegram but also have a love/hate affair with podcasts, am I for sure white and upper-class with a questionable, ostentatious sense of self?
  6. If I prefer dogs over people and books over people and my own people over random groups of people, am I an anxious, capricious introvert or is this a normal reaction to the world at large these days? And do cat lovers now distrust me since it’s all “dogs, dogs, dogs?”
  7. If I care deeply about some of the things Republicans care deeply about, and also care deeply about some of the things Democrats care deeply about, does that make me a peaceful ally and compassionate for both sides or does that make me apathetic and unconcerned?
  8. If essential oils and holiday-themed door wreaths are markers for the conservative Christian woman, what then kind of woman am I if I like essential oils but not that much and shy away from holiday-themed anything?
  9. If my friends remote school and/or homeschool, and/or send their kids to school, does that mean I am a bad friend with a weak moral compass or does it mean that families can do things differently than mine and we can still be friends?
  10. BONUS QUESTION: If I see everyone, especially those I don’t understand, as all multilayered and complex human beings, doing the best they can while dealing with a myriad of solidly bleak choices among COVID, BLM, wildfires, old Tiger King references, their personal and family concerns, and the well-intentioned “what did you decide to do for school this year?” does that make me tender-hearted or do I have an already long-dead heart?

Asking all this, of course, for a friend.

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